so surreal..

i found out tonight that someone i knew died recently in a car crash.

im pretty speechless because we used to get tipsy and just laugh at eachother.

i didnt cry, but i almost did.

on the upside.

im pretty content with everything.

gonna start looking for another job since its slow at zumiez now.

hostess here i come.

im starting to really like him. 

it's been a while

i hope when you're awake late at night, you realize how stupid you were for pushing me aside.

cause to be completely honest, i would of treated you with so much love and respect.

glad you like feeling worthless, when i know you're none of that.

wooo winterbreak until feb.

i wanna go on a vacation really bad.

but i need to take care of things .

i.e my phone bill.

lifes good for the most part.

im done looking. no ones really worth my time anymore.

||||||||||||||||

i just thought i would rave about how much i love this album.

i love every track more and more everyday.

since 808&heartbreak, kanye's like #2 most listened artist on my last fm and most of my loved tracks recently are off the album.

i dont know why people keep hating on this album so hard.

who cares. artist does what he does. if you dont like it then just let it go.

all i have to say is, kanye, when you come around, ill be buying tickets.

doesnt mean you've won.

Time to hold my head high and push out the last month of this year. I can list so many wrong that went on this year. Yeah, Im pretty tired of getting shitted on. 

Karma, I know Im pretty awful but could you maybe lay off me for a little while? Maybe strike down upon those other then myself? thanks, lily.

on the upside. I've designed my half-sleeve. can't wait till tuesday to throw the deposit in along with a small chit chat with my artist. IM SO STOKED.. and everyone I've shown really likes what I want. Im just crossing my fingers that my artist likes it as well. I was really so so about color but now Im kinda considering it. 

hopefully I don't get disowned by my parents..

spoke too soon for my own good

i really need to stop looking for something that only comes.

i invest all my time in it and lose myself in a silly idea, 

to get hit in the face by everything else.

worst day ever.

my car must hate me

cause it died at school today.

and i felt like an idiot when i asked around for help.

:\ my dad just ended up coming and jumping my car for me..

and then for me to come home to feel more like an idiot..

im just tired of everything.

its seriously highs and lows..

more lows if anything

the only good thing is my tattoo progress

im really only excited for that

im planning jusst to do the whole sleeve 

i can't help but say i told you so

karmas a bitch aint it.
as much as i hate you.
im still here.. always, like i said i'd be

im in for it too but im not too worried.
ill deal with it later.

good vibrations.

i love how this week took me to a bad place.

and come sunday (today) , i feel amazing.

i've just realized, everything will come together in the end.

im starting to follow up on my tattoo.

im going to the shop tomorrow just to see whats up.

im excited. 

~oh yeahh

quit it.. karma's already got your name down for alot of shit.

weeds2

i love love this show. im almost done with the 2nd season :]

now for a few days to myself :]

come keep me company please 

i am thankful for every bad moment in my 18 years of living.

in those bad moments, i realize i am the only person i need.

others sooner or later just let you down or take you for granted.

im okay, better then i've been

at least im driving again :]

tomarrow, im gonna go for a run.

clear my mind of thoughts and people i dont need anymore.

weeds

please tell me why im addicted to this show.

i cant get enough. seriously i finished season one already.

im like 13 episodes in.

plus silas/the hott actor- SO HOTT.

anyways, signed up for my spring classes :]

im officially excited for spring session

justknowimalwaysgonnafeelthiswayaboutyou.

imalwaysgoingtobehere.

and to be completely honest.

im okay :]

dear 2009,

can you come sooner please?

this year just sucked so bad for me.

when i feel that its getting a little better

it gets sour .

im tired of 2008

really sick and tired of it.

to state the obvious

i hate feeling like an idiot.

who doesn't hate feeling this icky awkward feeling.

you know the" i told you so " feeling you get 

when you decide to do something you want not need

then it ends up slapping you in the face.

i feel like i've gotten nothing but beat up on all this year.

09' needs to come soon. 

well now you know.

the new kanye is soooo good.
i cant wait to get it.
-see you in my nightmare, is prolly my favorite.

anyways, i got to shop after months and months of not shopping.
and im pretty proud, i bargained really good

that was only 20 bucks.

i also bought jeans and a vneck
earrings too. ;]

anyways other then the good
comes the bad.
talk about complicated situations.

which one to pick. cons on both sides.

and im leaning toward one but... idk :|

you can't forget it. i know i can't at all.

there isn't a day where i don't wonder how you are.

sleep,or lack of it

-being at school, waiting for class, gives me time to kill

i cant help but complain about how hard it is for me to sleep.

but i love sleeping with someone else "cuddling" me.

the weekend was quite the fun one.

friday, i decided to stay home and watch a movie with chris :3

we watched changeling.. man, what a good movie.

I heard that angelina starved herself for the role, being that in the movie

she was thin, really thin. 

the story line and all star cast made the movie that much better.

great great acting. the only bad thing was the fact that the movie was 

LONG, a whole two hours and a little more after that.

the movie started around 12ish and didnt end until around 230.

after the movie, i just spent time with chris. 

 

 saturday,i think i just really hung out with my friend andrew, 

we were planning to go to the catalyst to see redman and method man

but it didnt happen. instead we went to watch rolemodels. it was hilarious i totally recommend seeing the two movies i saw over the weekend. After the movie we went to a party. i told andrew i would be designated. but after a while, i started drinking. and drinking more. gradually i was pretty tipsy. enough to say i was making an ass of myself. 

i managed to catch someones hand with my mouth , i bit my lip and started bleeding. other then that the night was good.

i managed to get home SERIOUSLY A FEW MINUTES BEFORE my parents. 

JUST MY LUCK :3

sunday was tons of fun. after michelle worked we went over to paige,sabrina,and mikes

along with other zumiez kids. We got there and they were in on a game of kings cup.

its really funny how different people play and how many different rules there are depending on who you're playing with. so we got in on the game.

michelle didnt drink this time. so i did. OH AND DID I. 

lets just say the night consisted of "zumiez" things. i met a bunch of other workers from other stores , they're all really great. i have pictures to show the nights fun.

oh.. justin

justin timberlake has a new track that leaked..

and i cant say how excited i am to see him this next tour.

i also saw uncandid pictures from the new video shoot.

and dear god ive never seen anyone more handsome then him  :]

sooo good lookin`

fed up

this is what happens when you rear endsomeone

and your car gets totalled

im not some toy you just play around with

i have feelings 

i hate this.

life stinks rightnow

lets just hope tonights fun

JUST IN CASE

you forgot

"You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while,
Since that first day when you made my heart smile,
With loving eyes and tired sighs that follow."

-copeland

the worst feeling is to feel stupid

i've felt like this all day.

moapy pants mcgee..

silly silly girl.

i am like my mom says 

i jump the gun way to quick.

can't help it :\

j beezy :]

i had the most amazing two days, well technically one full day.

and all i have to say is im in such an amazing mood.

i wish i could be a singer/songwriter

i hate how when you're awake late at night 

you find yourself digging into things that shouldn't be bothered

i tend to do that often.

and right now i wish my stomach wasn't so uneasy as it is now.

i really wish i didn't know where to find where you end up

but on the upside.

kina grannis is amazing :]

i love this cover of disturbia

weekend of driving.

friday:i woke up and thought about going to class and instead went to mhs to visit. 

I came back home and went to dmv to get my license. 

i passed :] missing 11. my dmv person was really nice. plus santa teresa's route is easy.

i was pretty nervous though. 

too bad afterward NO ONE WAS TO BE FOUND TO GO DRIVING WITH.

 so i took a nap. when i woke up i went and watched a movie with ro , we watched BLINDNESS

super good movie, there were parts me and ro were angry about but over all i liked it.

sat:

i woke up,got ready, picked up tiana, and drove 101 to sf.

getting to sf, t had to go pee so we stopped at the mcdonalds on embarcadero.

the restrooms were customers only so we went across the street into borders.

while comming out there was this crazy man talking to people across the street. 

tiana and i ran to the car because he seemed to be talking to everyone about being rejected.

"all my life this is what its been REJECTION, do you have friends"

we laughed in the car. THEN traffic up the ass ... OH HOW I HATE THE CITY TRAFFIC/DRIVERS

i've never been honked at for no reason so much in my life.

finally we parked in a urine smelling parking lot.

walked , walked and walked. meeting up with garrett after. 

i took my pants off for a little wanting to fit in with all the hot and sexy half nakeds.

later i went home and worked for a few hours.

then after went to the hookah lounge with michelle. jason met up with us.

then la vics for some mexican late night lovin

today was mellow, i worked from 4 to close with a good bunch of zumiez people.

i did almost fall off the latter like 6 times. i also have a battle owwie from getting shoes.

i didnt finish my portfolio.. stupid lily. im already slackin on school. i havent gone to my photo class for weeks. im pretty much gonna fail :\ Damn it .. i really need to get on it.

iron and wine

i hate feeling like this at the end of the day.

the feeling you get when you're in the car

and it creeps up on you.

and then you just feel this horrible feeling.

i got a surprise recently

to find out what a shitty surprise it was.

im so sick of this.

i just want to be happy.

i am happy. but im also not.

ugh why is shit like this so draining. i cant even draft my essay....

because i like to rant

dont tell me you want me or want to be with me when you're obviously lying through your teeth.

the last person i believed when he said things like that to me 

doesnt even speak to me anymore because i messed that up with him

so really. cut the crap.

cause i see right through you.

esp when its all over for me to see.

reinventing

i've done school for three weeks now

and i must say i love it.

it keeps me busy 

and the fact that i have photography makes me weekends that much sweeter

work makes me happy too.

im glad to be making money.

and i've decided that out of every paycheck im gonna put some into my savings

so i can get that much closer to moving out

im really content with life

i've been hanging out with a great group of people

who i can be myself around..

i need a vaca though.

maybe socal soon

fucking fuck

ugh im sick of shit 

SICK OF IT

late.

so being that im always awake at the wee hours of the morning

i thought i'd start blogging alot more along with video blogging on my macbook

anyways, seeing that schools almost in session i can't wait to meet all the new people

what's even better is that my first class that monday is .... you guessed it photo.

so i will be not only meeting new people, ill be meeting new people who love what i love

i still need to disrupt highschool business to see my favorite teachers.

also talk to ian about using the dark room.

yeee.

balance.

with good comes bad.

i must say for the most part ive changed my outlook on life.

i am much more optimistic  and i must say i take things in with a better attitude,

but as bad habits are they always creep back. im only human :]